A famous general once said “Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy.” (N. Schwarzkopf). But why do we live in a society where leadership is synonymous to wisdom, titles, pedigree, accolades and such? If we elect or choose the most intelligent, highly-recommended candidates, why are we still dissatisfied with them? Why is there persistent resistance to whoever is the current administration? My best guess, more so, my self-proclaimed guilty answer is, we choose them because we are made to think that they are more superior than us in terms of intelligence, background and experience just because their highfalutin resume says so. We have this predisposed mindset that character is only secondary to intelligence. So, when candidates become leaders, and authority is added to their long list of titles, the leader-colleague/constituent/employee relationship fails. Why? Simply because we missed to evaluate if they have the genuine characteristic to be a leader in the first place.
Strategy and character are equally important to becoming an effective leader. As Friedman (2007) emphasized, the reason we are currently living in a “leadership- toxic climate” is because we have neglected the powerful influence of universal emotional or instinctual processes. These are what leaders can use to manage and motivate people effectively. A leader’s being, presence and courage are what counts, not the data, the survey or seminars we typically depend on. In addition, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler, 2011) reiterated that the making of an effective leader involves the ability to be able to engage in difficult but vital discussions. Crucial conversations are those uncomfortable, opposing and emotional talks we all cannot avoid. It happens to everyone, everywhere, be it in your own household, your workplace, or just as we try to catch the next train to work. It is described to have these three components: high stakes, differing views, and strong emotions. Accordingly, the most outstanding leaders are able to influence the outcomes of difficult but vital conversations, without offending others.
At present, I am just learning how to be an advocate for change. With my first ever attempt to inspire change, I have come up with my Innovation Plan of implementing Blended Learning in our campus. It is still a work in progress, as I continue to develop strategies on how to effectively have my colleagues, including my administrators on board. Through this journey of learning and discovery, I must say these two texts (“A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix” and ““Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High”) provided me a very clear and practical approach on how I can prepare myself to be an effective “leader” of this innovation plan.
What does it really take to be a self-differentiated leader? Better yet, how can I transform myself to be a self-differentiated leader? Out of the numerous ideas shared by Friedman, I picked 3 key factors I see as the most important leadership qualities that I intend to adapt. This includes self-definition, self-regulation, non-reactivity, while still keeping the connection with my peers.
Self-definition is understanding who I am as a leader, identifying what I need and can do as a leader, and knowing the whys and hows of our organization/project. Once I understand and can define my goals, as well as my role as the leader, I can practice better management skills. I will be able to contribute and share with my colleagues based not on my knowledge alone, but more so, practicing the fundamental values of respect and consideration. An effective leader should have his or her own identity. I will show everyone respect, consideration and grace when needed, but will remain my disposition to be fair to all, while guiding the team to make decisions on what will be best for all of us and the organization/project. As for being skilled with engaging in crucial conversations, this is where I apply the “Start from Heart.” With every motive and action I intend to do for this project with my colleagues, I need to start on me first. I will practice free flow dialogue where anyone is able to say relevant information out into the open and be heard.
Self-regulation or personal discipline by far is the most important trait a leader should possess. It is a form of emotional intelligence that is developed through time and experience. I as a leader should be able to control my reaction and responses to situations. I should be able to manage my behavior towards others, especially during difficult stressful times, when tension and disagreements are inevitable. I will accept and respond to challenges constructively. As with crucial conversations, I will begin by “getting unstuck.” I need to know how to express my ideas, feelings and opinions candidly and honestly. Likewise, when in those crucial conversations, as a leader, I need to learn how to step out of a conversation and assess how to make it work. One interesting approach shared in this book is to identify one’s “style under stress” and be able to manage it. I realized that throughout my personal and professional life, I have unintentionally identified my stress triggers and coping mechanisms. This can guide me as I apply the “Learn to Look” process during crucial conversations. A self-regulated leader also takes responsibility for himself and leads others to do the same. I will refrain from putting blame on others when something fails, instead own mistakes and learn from it. Any endeavor will encounter problems and issues in different aspects. Being a self-differentiated leader means enduring pain and sacrifice if lasting change is on the horizon. This is the opposite of having a quick-fix mentality. Resistance is anticipated, but a self-differentiated leader will always take decisive positions even if it means that others are not happy.
Lastly, being non-reactive, but still staying connected is another leadership attribute that I need to learn. Honestly, this appears to me as the most challenging one. My human nature is to be reactive and impulsive. I can be saying and doing things at the moment that I will eventually regret. But internalizing the “Crucial Conversations” process of “Making it Safe” involves fostering mutual purpose and respect. As a leader I need to encourage others that we are working toward a common outcome and that I care about their goals, interests, and values. In summary I can always remember mutual respect and purpose using the acronym CRIB. Commit to seek a mutual purpose; Recognize the purpose behind the strategy; Invent a mutual purpose; and Brainstorm new strategies. A self-differentiated leader will not react to other people’s reactions immediately without clear understanding of the situation. I will stay calm, and in a steady presence. Another description that stuck with me is to have a “herding instinct,” that is having a strong sense of self and being effectively separate but still connected. An effective leader can be “distant” so as to let others shine and have the opportunity to explore but still let her/his presence felt even just being in the background as support.
They say leaders are not born, they are made. To be a self- differentiated leader, one has to experience the highs and lows of being a team member or a supporter first. It is through such a humbling experience that a leader can develop an empathetic attitude towards others. As I prepare myself for that position, I intend to simply learn from every step of the process. I believe that being a leader is a life-long emotional process, it is not a static or a fixed state. It can be developed, honed and perfected in time. And when that time comes, I hope to be a self-differentiated but still be fun-loving leader.
References:
Friedman, E. H., Treadwell, M. M., & Beal, E. W. (2017). A failure of nerve: leadership in the age of the quick fix. Church Publishing.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., Mcmillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations : tools for talking when stakes are high. Mcgraw-Hill Education.
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